ASHBURN, Va. (AP) 鈥� A national television audience watched Zane Gonzalez adjust his socks on the sideline and fix his hair multiple times before putting his helmet on and taking the field to kick in an NFL playoff game Sunday night.
Those watching did not see Gonzalez as a kid writing and rewriting papers and taking walks outside with his father or playing soccer to get his mind off homework he could not finish. Only his wife saw him set and reset his alarm clock about 100 times Wednesday night to make sure it was right.
All of it stems from the obsessive-compulsive disorder Gonzalez has lived with his entire life, from childhood to now being a kicker for . Making the field goal to deliver the franchise's first postseason victory has allowed Gonzalez to share his story, hear from others, correct any misconceptions and shed some light on what it is like to play professional football with OCD.
鈥淎nybody that has OCD understands that mental battle鈥檚 not easy,鈥� Gonzalez said after practice Thursday. "You truly think it鈥檚 the end of the world or whatever that situation is that you鈥檙e going through that you think the worst possible situation can come of it. And even if it鈥檚 the most unrealistic thing ever, that鈥檚 just kind of the way you think about it sometimes.鈥�
Gonzalez, who banked the kick off the right upright and through as time expired to beat Tampa Bay and send the Commanders to the next round at Detroit, feels he has gotten better at handling the uncontrollable, recurring thoughts and fears that come with the anxiety disorder. At 29, he is more confident and has been able to shrug off some of the social media attention that followed his viral moment.
鈥淎s a kid you鈥檙e more adamant about trying to hide it and trying not to show people,鈥� Gonzalez said. 鈥淵ou鈥檙e just like, 鈥極h, I don鈥檛 want people to think whatever, this or that.鈥� I mean, you saw the reaction. People were always like, 鈥極h, he鈥檚 nervous.鈥� It鈥檚 like, OK, it鈥檚 not nervous. It鈥檚 just kind of a tick-type deal. ... Being a professional athlete it鈥檚 like, 鈥楬ey, I鈥檓 here, I鈥檓 in the big moment, big stage, do what you do, make the kick.'鈥�
After he made the kick, Gonzalez's wife, Lizzy, posted a TikTok responding to people making fun of her husband's OCD. It came up on 鈥淭he Pat McAfee Show,鈥� with the retired punter-turned-TV star talking about how much of the position was mental and how kickers develop routines to get in the right frame of mind.
Gonzalez's pre-kick mannerisms are nothing new, and he said his wife and teammates have seen it plenty over the years at practices and in games.
鈥淚鈥檝e seen the hair-fixing and adjusting his shoe 鈥� I never thought anything of it,鈥� long snapper Tyler Ott said. "But when he gets a minute on screen of leading up to the kick to send us to the first playoff win in 18, 19 years, it got some more attention.鈥�
In recent days, Gonzalez, Ott and punter/holder Tress Way have made light of the hair-fixing, laughing about it after receiving an award in a team meeting and mimicking it during practice. Coach Dan Quinn knew about Gonzalez's OCD and said he was glad at this opportunity to make it a subject of proper discussion.
鈥淚f that is a chance for him to assist one other person, I think that takes just a lot of courage and tells you a lot about who he is, not just as a ballplayer but as a man,鈥� Quinn said.
Way, Washington's longest-tenured player who finally got to celebrate his first playoff win, has enjoyed every bit of teaming with Gonzalez, who he called 鈥渁bout as low maintenance as they come."
鈥淚t鈥檚 fun to play with a guy like that and to be working with a guy like that,鈥� Way said. 鈥淗e just trusts Tyler and I to get everything ready, and he has just a great attitude and a great mentality for it.鈥�
Gonzalez is the fourth different kicker the Commanders have had this season and seventh since the spring. Now on his fourth organization after stints with Arizona, Cleveland and Carolina, he made 5 of 7 field-goal attempts and was 19 of 19 on extra points during the regular season before being perfect in the wild-card round to beat the Buccaneers.
鈥淗e鈥檚 been great in terms of we鈥檝e had a lot of turnover at that position," special teams coordinator Larry Izzo said. 鈥淗e鈥檚 definitely stabilized the position, and he鈥檚 come in and done his job. We鈥檙e really happy with him.鈥�
Gonzalez, who has learned some tricks to handle his OCD and spoken to therapists about it, is happy to get this chance to explain what he can about how he's thinking and have whatever positive impact he can off the field, as well as on it.
鈥淭here鈥檚 all sorts of people that walk through life dealing with struggles on a day-to-day (basis), and a lot of it鈥檚 at home that people don鈥檛 see, Gonzalez said. "It鈥檚 been pretty neat to see the community come together and just kind of helping you out a little bit.鈥�
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AP NFL:
Stephen Whyno, The Associated Press
