More times than I like to admit, I burst into tears thinking about when my four now-adult sons were little boys. I picture their chubby arms around my neck as I read them a story; or, when their laughter and playing filled the house.
Most especially, I miss when they were all sleeping and I would tiptoe into their rooms, touch their hair, tuck in a stuffed animal and exhale knowing they were all safe and sound.
Those were the days.
Or were they?
On an episode of the podcast, , Yale professor Laurie Santos discusses research that shows our memories — of the 80s and otherwise — are “selective and highly unreliable.”
This made me think not only about how I remember my life when my boys were small, but also about 麻豆社国产and how some of us remember “the good old days.”
When we feel nostalgic, we select the positive footage and block out the bad or boring bits, Santos said.
Why these rosy rememberings can be harmful is that they impact our happiness in the present, she notes.
When I am crying over the fact my boys are no longer small, I forget that usually, after the house filled with laughter, someone hit someone or broke something, sending me into referee mode, which I hated.
And reading those stories with the boys on my lap was sometimes a strategy to deal with a day when I was so exhausted, stressed and guilt-ridden over yelling at them, that I couldn’t imagine any other way I would make it to bedtime.
And more times than I can count, after I shut all their bedroom doors at night and sat down to watch TV, I would be jolted into alert by the sound of retching, and my night would be spent with a bucket and no sleep.
Remembering those more challenging moments of raising my sons doesn’t mean I would trade the good bits for anything — raising them was truly a gift — but it makes me less sad that those days are over. I can embrace that the house is quieter and I have the time and energy for date nights with my spouse, or to pursue my own hobbies.
How does this relate to 麻豆社国产and our nostalgia for its past?
If we can realize as a community that our memories of a “better” old 麻豆社国产are selective, that may ease some of the angst and tension over the changes we are experiencing.
To hear some long-time locals talk, they rode to school through rolling green hills with nary a car, neighbours were always best friends, the council of whatever day never made a bad decision, everyone supported everyone and heartache never entered district boundaries.
It can’t have been thus.
Sure, some things were better, no question, but this town was never perfect. Some things were worse — especially for the environment and according to some locals, they were harder if you were First Nations or on LGBTQIA2S+.
Looking back at the old of 麻豆社国产with only a positive spin will make you miserable in real life today.
You may still miss an empty Alice Lake, for example, but you may be a bit excited by the diversity in town now — not just in people but in eateries and events.
Of course, nostalgia isn’t all bad.
, a professor of psychology at Le Moyne College describes nostalgia as an “emotional experience that unifies.”
It ties us to our previous self, to our identity and to others.
It is why it feels so good to run into that softball buddy on Cleveland Avenue who you knew as a kid. Enjoy that, but also remember that, sometimes, you lost the game or got hit in the head by the ball.
Then perhaps you can move on down the street and smile more easily at the excited group of tourists clogging the rainbow crosswalk as they snap a picture of the Stawamus Chief.
